Devorando Como el Mar

Dear You

2009-08-13T08:49:00.001-04:00

Something from my friend Be Brilliant- who is by the way one of the most brilliant people I know :)

Dear You,

There is something about the ease of this that makes me want to scream. It's like all the drama I've experienced, all the questions I'd asked, you've cleared away and answered. I am no longer a hopeless romantic. I no longer dream of prince charming, while stuck in my tower. I am just a girl who likes a man that doesn't make things difficult. I like the ease of crawling into bed with you. I like the ease of holding you and being held. I like the ease of sleep. Hours upon hours drift past us in our bubble; Seconds and minutes all relative, they belong to us and they're endless. Our hours of conversation via phone or text make me feel welcome and important. I haven't asked you for anything and yet you've made me believe, that some how somewhere there can be genuine patience, there can be genuine affection, that not everything comes with strings and sticky explainations. I believe things can be easy. That conversations can be meaningful and sometimes completely foolish, but lovely. I believe that quiet isn't bad, and that time apart makes the heart fonder, but time together solidifies that bond. You make me believe that I am completely and utterly sane,and that it was never me, but the way I collided with them. We mesh. We blend together like two prime colors that make something new, we are bright and bold and daring, and I won't ask for more, because this is good.

2009-08-09T18:32:00.002-04:00

I left your drawer empty hoping you'll be back to fill it again

2009-07-29T13:02:00.002-04:00

soft curvatures
making a finite point
slight hills of silk
all roads leading to the center
her center
her stem, tall, slight and mighty
stand supporting her beautiful petals
she welcomes the sun
with her blossoming
she leans in
never fulfilled
always wanting its warmth

the givers face falls to the west
skies transform
and she is left alone
shivering
standing in the darkness
living
for the next moment
when she will feel the kiss on her petals
of the morning sun

moving on

2009-06-22T15:34:00.003-04:00

Since my last post I:

traveled as much as possible
got a job
hated the job
liked the job
worked for peanuts
left the job
enjoyed my family
enjoyed my new job
disovered that there are some very talented artists out there
laughed
cried when i first listened to my aunts favorite bands
left my job
got another job
went out
dated
packed up my life into little boxes
fell in love
got my license
visit an insane number of high schools in nyc
helped kids get into college
buy my first car
laugh
cry for what i've lost
cry for what i've gained
go to jamaica
reunite with old friends

find peace

I'm still healing but i've come a very long way since '08

2008-01-25T16:28:00.000-05:00

Its between the nano second that passes between laughs that i falter

It's during the the night that my smile wavers

And its when nobodys watching that I shed the tears that have welled up inside me for so long

2007-12-01T20:15:00.000-05:00

Eleven months its been and the world at my feet couldn't do much by try to catch up with me

Eleven months its been and all that's passed means shit to me

Tomorrow, if I walk backwards fast enough could I turn back time?

Almost a month to the day is where I'd be

Hugging them and loving them and begging them not to fly away.

One month to the day...

Tomorrow I set forth to where I would like to have been...

A month to late...

Wishing a happy birthday to a woman that's enitrely too far away

Caras Lindas

2007-01-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

on the edge of starvation for hundreds of years and still my beautiful people manage to smile

Sunsets and New Beginnings

2006-12-20T11:13:00.000-05:00

It's December.

Classes have let out finals are ending and I'm one semester closer to leaving the place i call home. It's amazing what can happen in four months. People change, friends are made and left behind, people pass on and new lives emerge. I continue to grow and learn new things about myself and those that i love. I am grateful for every single person that has entered my life here.

With the cold winds and chance of snow comes the bitter realization that In another few months I will have to leave this place and enter a new phase of my life. AHHH i'm scared, i'm not going to lie. But one thing i've learned, is that we can't live in fear. As i told liz, I live with the dream of what could be, and each new day is an opportunity for something wonderful and great to come into my life.

And so with my last winter break I hope to begin to embark on my journey. Talking to prospective jobs, grad school, gmats, and of course starting work for my two jobs back at school.

I can't even imagine where we'll all be five years from now. I already have friends married, having kids. Who knows what the the tide will bring, but for now i will bask in the warmth of the sun.

Cheek to Cheek

2006-11-25T01:12:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreampt of us

I whispered your name and felt your response
I endulged in your caress
closed my eyes and let my other senses take over

We were cheek to cheek
Hand in hand
and yet
I knew it could never be enough

From your tousseled hair
to your rapid heart beat
I tried to drink in all of you
In what would take a lifetime
I aimed to know you

For this night you and I are together
basking in eachother energy
together at once.
I closed my eyes for eternity
siltently protesting your departure

So I cling
I cling to the few moments we shared
I hold onto your touch
And I embrace the faith I have for the two of us
Not focusing on your immenent departure,
Rather envisioning our souls re-united
Whether it be ten days or ten years from now

I hold on to the stead fast truth
that we have been created for one another
our minds made to share with one another
our fears, hopes and dreams, confided in eachother.

Perhaps, one day,
with all of nature in balance
we will fall asleep
and wake up
still together
cheek to cheek
hand in hand.

and then...
sometimes I wish I had never met you.
then I could go to sleep at night
not knowing
there was someone like you out there.

New World Disorder

2006-11-21T01:16:00.000-05:00

It's amazing the way policies in gov't impact global busines...

"Ironically, the second President Bush put the final nail in the coffin of the new world order. Even before September 11, the administration was signaling that it had a very different vision of international engagement from its predecessor's, one based on security, not economic concerns. And security was now defined not just in the narrow Cold War terms of safety from attack from a hostile, though stable, superpower, but very broadly to include safety from terrorism and weapons of mass destruction, as well as vital economic inputs such as oil.

...

The changing political climate is also overturning conventional marketing wisdom. For instance, many pundits argue that the current consumer backlash against U.S. products in the Middle East is here to stay and may spread to other countries. For instance, Coca-Cola--perhaps the most potent commercial symbol of America--has a new competitor in the Middle East. That competitor is Mecca-Cola, which is produced by a Tunisian-born French entrepreneur and is targeting Muslim consumers. Mecca-Cola's value proposition is to mimic Coca-Cola's branding (complete with the red and white label) but to promise 20% of its profits to Palestinian and Muslim charities. Mecca-Cola is rapidly establishing its brand as the anti-Coca-Cola through such publicity efforts as its sponsorship of an antiwar demonstration held in London last February. Currently, it claims to have received orders for 16 million bottles, including a million each in France and the United Kingdom."
-Nicolas Checa author of The New World Disorder

If people need proof all they need to do is read...

Irony is a serious thing.

...And isn't it interesting that no two countries with a McDonalds has ever gone to war.

Now ask yourself where the power lies...

shouting from my heart

2006-11-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

Its twenty past nine and i'm told to invoke the 48hr rule.
Here's the problem: i envoked it 20 minutes ago...
and now...

I'm pissed. I'm pissed at everything that's been going on in my life right now.
Hypocracy is a disease and it has spread across this campus and is attempting to destruct the unity and strength of my team.

Brainwashing is rampid, and I am holding steadfast to my beliefs, clinging to the vision i have made for myself.

I will NOT be kept silent!
I will NOT turn the other cheek!
I will NOT be convinced that whats been done is right!

I am a business major, and therefore have had a massive amount of bullshit come before me and I am NOT BLIND. I know how to create bull shit, and spin it off as the truth, i mean my goodness i'm a marketing major, so gimme a break and just come clean.

You can not count on me to be SILENT. I am standing before you stating my beliefs, fighting for what I believe in. And to my lovelies that hate "being in the middle", can't make up their mind, or stay silent. I feel sorry for you, and wish no ill on you for you are suffering, a slow death of the spirit.

I too can play politics... and you'd be surprised at what i can do in the next 46hrs shouting from my heart

they call me wonderwoman

2006-11-01T12:19:00.000-05:00

I am just trying to make sure I get the most out of my investment in my education. That's why I take 19 credits, trying to get through the 14 hour days. No one understands the reasoning behind what I do; put simply, i'm not satisfied.

I'm still hungry, still starving for change and improvement. I have a family name to ressurect, a future family to think about, and a career to begin. How am I to understand the need for change if I don't get involved in what needs to be changed. While those don't see it, i'm fighting; working from the inside, getting my opinons through. Change comes from within, and its through these means that we have the peoples attention.

For those that look at me and see nothing but a "goody two-shoes". I feel sorry for you. Sorry that you are too self absorbed to stop and take a closer look. Too blinded to see what it is that I really do. For I see how cold of a world it can be, and i'm aware of all the injustice and politics, but I can only hope that instead of talking about taking action, you do it.

For i am not wonder woman. I'm just doing what I have to do, and maybe its time for you to catch up.

punto.

Emancipation of Me

2006-10-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

I have been breathing you in and out forever
No longer together, for we have become one.
Lost in your feather light caress
Is where I digress
Making sense of the world around us
For god has found us
Together as one.

It’s with an inhalation of that which is us
That provides me with the comfort
To confront the world outside of us

Love’s tender kisses
Lingering on your lips
Help take the sting away
Keeping the sadness at bay
As we sigh and sway
To the sound of our heartbeats
Between the sheets.

Closed eyes help to obscure
The lies, and cries around us
Ensuring that nobody can see us
And that we still remain together; united as one

As tear drops fall
Salty truths run down my cheek
Leaving running rivers of what used to be.

Eyes flutter open
I begin to see that the scent I’ve been in inhaling
Consists of nothing more than tattered, abandonded sheets

Building a dream

2006-09-15T21:47:00.000-04:00

For the past three weeks in His-story, i've been learning about how society destroys anyone that dares to dream beyond their means. How dare a poor kid dream of going to college and becomming a successful mid-class person.

It leaves me wondering how society will treat me based on my dreams...
I want to be a successful latina business woman
I want to find a love so profound that it would light up the sky with stars filled with love
I want to earn enough to support my family and give back to my mom and the community
I want to have kids that will be movers and shakers for their generation
I want to be rescued by someone on a white horse

Stephen Crane (author of "Maggie: A girl of the streets") illustrates that those who dare to dream, dare to go against society, and must pay for it by death.
He forces us to see society as it is.

Despite it all... I will continue to dream, even if it will never come to fruition.

Raindrops falling on my head

2006-09-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

Beaded pellets of condensation
Whipping
Whirring
Spurring within my soul
Help me breathe in complex thoughts
And breathe out absurd truths

Crystalline drops
Fall forth towards earth
Hurtling
And leaving behind
Nothing but puddles of emptiness

It’s with each tear dropped
That I prophesize mother natures last breath
And realize that these pools resting between slabs of concrete
Are nothing but muddied puddles
Reflecting the ugly truths of human beings

Memoria

2006-08-29T23:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was your birthday. Sitting in in class i reflected and began to tear up. For I don't remember your laugh. It hasn't been a year and I feel its escaped me. It's the one thing I never wanted to forget.

Reflecting on your birthday helped me to remember other things you did. Instead of expressing verbally how you felt, you'd do it through gifts. The light in your eyes when I'd tell you about my recent accomplishments. The smell of your maja, the way you'd make a bata with only a pair of scissors, cloth, a needle and thread.

Its a day later and I am still reflecting, still celebrating your life. I carry you with me always. If I cry, let it be known I cry because I know that you are finally free, free of constraints, and pain, and can now be with me every step of my life.

Feliz Cumpleanos abuela.

19 yrs old

2006-08-25T11:32:00.001-04:00

Do you know what its like
For a girl to grow up
Hearing her mother’s heart beat
Only to be there one day when it stops

Blood pulsating
To its nerve endings
She feels a cardiac arrest
Straight from her moms breast
To her very chest

Blood pumped through her mother’s veins
Giving this girl the hope and strength
To remain the same

Having just discovered
The curves of her body
And the opportunities life held
Her mother’s heart withheld
Love

19 years old is when her mother’s soul
Grew old
Wilting away
Leaving behind seeds of yesterday
Her mother’s body remained
No longer the same
For her vacant eyes
Only spoke lies
And this girl tried
To see inside
How her mothers heart
Had managed to be torn apart
Leaving only her external part
The same
And her daughter’s internal part in pain

Do you know what its like
For a girl to grow up
Hearing her mother’s heart beat
Only to be there one day when it stops

Her mother no longer saw her
While every day her child would try to stir
An emotional piece of her soul
Trying her best to maintain her control
All the while wishing her mother had stopped
And just used some form of birth control

See this 19 yr old
Has been sold
To the fact that she’s never gonna get her mama back
And now she stands on the brink of success
Wondering if all this mess
Was why her mother regressed

This pain has remained
Within her
Lying dormant inside her
For she still lives life with her mother every day
Praying her heart will one day stray
To only convey
Its original affection
Bourne from her own introspection

Tears of joy bourn form the womb
Convey sadness throughout the room
Salty tears drop to the ocean
Forming puddles of her heart stopped in motion

Eyes cast down
This girl begins to drown
Into a sea of black
Sold to the fact that she’s never gonna get her momma back

(God)ess

2006-08-22T23:32:00.000-04:00

Quote of the day:"Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when SHE made okra"
-Farmer Dan. one cool ass dude.

Now that made me smile.

Hey SAM!

2006-08-19T00:07:00.000-04:00

This literally is the 2econd free minute I have to myself. (the first was spent turning on the computer). Ahhh... peace and quiet...

for now... SAM training is outta control and i'm loving every minute of it. My mind is being challenged, and my creative skills are being strengthened. I love what this job is doing for me internally already. I've spent more time with my staff than I do sleeping, and when i'm not in the sub you can find me in my room doing work for the sub. My supervisor spoke about us being well known on campus and how our new names will be hey sam. I thought she was crazy and overdoing it a bit and trying to hype us up. But on my way to the sub i was called "hey sam" -loving it.

Besides that, I love the silence in the halls but i'm not gonna lie, i'm lonely. Mainly at night. There's nobody to turn to and share my day with. Nobody to smile and laugh with me, or just sit silently in the room with me.

Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. *although in the literal sense you can*

I like the literal. :)

Off to indulge in a guilty pleasure... cosmo+chocolate ;)

Words by Williams

2006-08-16T00:07:00.000-04:00

Tenessee Williams said
“I don’t want realistic, I want magic”

I couldn’t agree more Mr. Williams.

I don’t want to be around you all of the time
I need for us to drink in the moments that we have together
If it’s just for five minutes

I don’t need to talk to you
I need to conversate with you

I don’t need realistic,
I need magic

I don’t need you to join me at the hip
And display grand affection every moment
I need you to embrace me, smile secretly
And share in the moments that truly matter

I don’t need quantity
I need quality

I don’t need a powerful, all consuming love
I need a love that endures, and comes with a lifetime guarantee.

I don’t need realistic.

I need magic.

Thank you Mr. Williams.

que sera sera

2006-08-15T23:15:00.000-04:00

oh where do i begin?

went upstate thursday and my first few days were great. I stayed with a couple that's so in love its borderlines disgusting sometimes. hahha. but its beautiful. They've been in a long distance relationship for 1yr and 8 months and they are finally able to be together. Can't blame them for being so love dovey after that i guess :) Even though it had me wishing that the pillow i slept with in my arms would magically transform into someone else. *dont mind me i think i took a dose of sappy love medicine this weekend*

This past weekend I think i discovered how strong the human mind is. We are capable of processing so many emotions at once and I can't help but be in awe of it. My dad is in the hospital due to a spleen bursting. It only happens in car crashes or plane crashes- all of which hasn't happened to him. If it weren't for three decisions I would've been attending a funeral this weekend. I truly believe there are signs and we must listen to the voice inside of us b/c it can very well save our lives. When the news was broken to me upstate I just wanted a nice hug. A hug that envelops you; one in which words aren't necessary, because all of it is right there in that embrace.

As the weekend continued a flurry of thoughts came through the revolving door of my mind, and I have to say I was very greatful to have miss E there. It made a world of difference. The woman's too brilliant. Not only that but she was there during one of the more important events this weekend- my first camping experience haha. Now that was fun. :)

Two zucchini breads later and I was on my way to nyc. Dad's doing much better, he was the one making me smile during the visit. There's so many lessons this weekend that i've learned, in addition to learning about what I deserve as well as what I should and should not put up with.

So tonight I sort my thoughts (because even 8+ hrs of travel didn't do it).

i'm still waiting for that hug.

TGIF

2006-08-05T12:59:00.000-04:00

Last night was great. Better yet imma just say Friday was great! It was my last day of work. I said bye to my pregnant boss- pregnant women glow... literally, its the most beautiful thing. Imma miss her.After that I changed and before I knew it I was headed to the Ulster County fair with the girls. It was my first fair ever. The st. fairs in bk got nothing on the real thing!! Now you know how I am with food... this was my dream come true! Fried oreos, fried dough, ice cream, gyros, steak, lemonade. mmmm. And goats omg! the cutest goats ever!

How could you not love them. They are so friendly. I swear I was a kid again. On the ferris wheel sitting at the top of Ulster County all I could think was... this is life... this is what its about. Forget the money, forget the stress... everything you need is all right here. And honestly I pictured my future right there... going out to the fair with my date, winning prizes, laughing hugging and just being free. Then I pictured, taking the family out that night and it was all crystal clear. In hs I was all business, working hard b/c I knew I was gonna get myself on the CEO track. Money and all that is great, but I no longer aspire for that. I aspire for happiness, and love for myself and all those around me. I aspire to enjoy life whenever possible and to drink in the moments that are priceless and will only last a moment, but will live on in your heart for a lifetime.That is the beauty of life and that is what we're really all here for.

Then as the ride ended, i was brought back to reality with my girls. After several dizzying rides we were pooped and marlisha and i were off to the bar. Dancing is the only method of relieving stress and it was wonderful. Marlisha and I just danced, no guys approached us, tried to get up on us or anything. We had space and it was great. All you need is a good attitude and things will gravitate to you.

Best part of that night.... I learned how to Dutty Wine heheh

Thanks O, another distraction other than fb & myspace!

2006-08-02T20:56:00.000-04:00

Well this is my first blog. All thanks go to one woman by the name of O. After of a year of resisting I gave in. But what does one write on a blog? I guess the answer is anything and everything that comes to the mind. But this first post will not be deep I promise.

Summer at NP is interesting, its relaxing, definitely the summer with the least stress. I'm doing the tour thing endng this week (thank God!). If I have to deal with one more rude parent i'mma be on the news. Class is going well, the Turkish people are something else though... and don't ask me if that's a good or bad 'something else'. While i'm content I feel like something's lacking in this summer. Like there's a hole... I think it's because this summer will make it the 5th year I haven't gone to PR. Or maybe its that I haven't traveled, I always travel every year; its in my blood.

One thing is for sure, I don't want the summer to end. Its the last one before i'm out on my own in the real world. And for that, i'm going to revel in every last second.

besos y abrazos
*