Memoria

Yesterday was your birthday. Sitting in in class i reflected and began to tear up. For I don't remember your laugh. It hasn't been a year and I feel its escaped me. It's the one thing I never wanted to forget.

Reflecting on your birthday helped me to remember other things you did. Instead of expressing verbally how you felt, you'd do it through gifts. The light in your eyes when I'd tell you about my recent accomplishments. The smell of your maja, the way you'd make a bata with only a pair of scissors, cloth, a needle and thread.

Its a day later and I am still reflecting, still celebrating your life. I carry you with me always. If I cry, let it be known I cry because I know that you are finally free, free of constraints, and pain, and can now be with me every step of my life.

Feliz Cumpleanos abuela.

19 yrs old

Do you know what its like
For a girl to grow up
Hearing her mother’s heart beat
Only to be there one day when it stops

Blood pulsating
To its nerve endings
She feels a cardiac arrest
Straight from her moms breast
To her very chest

Blood pumped through her mother’s veins
Giving this girl the hope and strength
To remain the same

Having just discovered
The curves of her body
And the opportunities life held
Her mother’s heart withheld
Love

19 years old is when her mother’s soul
Grew old
Wilting away
Leaving behind seeds of yesterday
Her mother’s body remained
No longer the same
For her vacant eyes
Only spoke lies
And this girl tried
To see inside
How her mothers heart
Had managed to be torn apart
Leaving only her external part
The same
And her daughter’s internal part in pain

Do you know what its like
For a girl to grow up
Hearing her mother’s heart beat
Only to be there one day when it stops

Her mother no longer saw her
While every day her child would try to stir
An emotional piece of her soul
Trying her best to maintain her control
All the while wishing her mother had stopped
And just used some form of birth control

See this 19 yr old
Has been sold
To the fact that she’s never gonna get her mama back
And now she stands on the brink of success
Wondering if all this mess
Was why her mother regressed

This pain has remained
Within her
Lying dormant inside her
For she still lives life with her mother every day
Praying her heart will one day stray
To only convey
Its original affection
Bourne from her own introspection

Tears of joy bourn form the womb
Convey sadness throughout the room
Salty tears drop to the ocean
Forming puddles of her heart stopped in motion

Eyes cast down
This girl begins to drown
Into a sea of black
Sold to the fact that she’s never gonna get her momma back

(God)ess

Quote of the day:"Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when SHE made okra"
-Farmer Dan. one cool ass dude.


Now that made me smile.

Hey SAM!

This literally is the 2econd free minute I have to myself. (the first was spent turning on the computer). Ahhh... peace and quiet...

for now... SAM training is outta control and i'm loving every minute of it. My mind is being challenged, and my creative skills are being strengthened. I love what this job is doing for me internally already. I've spent more time with my staff than I do sleeping, and when i'm not in the sub you can find me in my room doing work for the sub. My supervisor spoke about us being well known on campus and how our new names will be hey sam. I thought she was crazy and overdoing it a bit and trying to hype us up. But on my way to the sub i was called "hey sam" -loving it.

Besides that, I love the silence in the halls but i'm not gonna lie, i'm lonely. Mainly at night. There's nobody to turn to and share my day with. Nobody to smile and laugh with me, or just sit silently in the room with me.

Guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. *although in the literal sense you can*

I like the literal. :)


Off to indulge in a guilty pleasure... cosmo+chocolate ;)

Words by Williams

Tenessee Williams said
“I don’t want realistic, I want magic”

I couldn’t agree more Mr. Williams.

I don’t want to be around you all of the time
I need for us to drink in the moments that we have together
If it’s just for five minutes

I don’t need to talk to you
I need to conversate with you

I don’t need realistic,
I need magic

I don’t need you to join me at the hip
And display grand affection every moment
I need you to embrace me, smile secretly
And share in the moments that truly matter

I don’t need quantity
I need quality

I don’t need a powerful, all consuming love
I need a love that endures, and comes with a lifetime guarantee.

I don’t need realistic.

I need magic.

Thank you Mr. Williams.

que sera sera

oh where do i begin?

went upstate thursday and my first few days were great. I stayed with a couple that's so in love its borderlines disgusting sometimes. hahha. but its beautiful. They've been in a long distance relationship for 1yr and 8 months and they are finally able to be together. Can't blame them for being so love dovey after that i guess :) Even though it had me wishing that the pillow i slept with in my arms would magically transform into someone else. *dont mind me i think i took a dose of sappy love medicine this weekend*

This past weekend I think i discovered how strong the human mind is. We are capable of processing so many emotions at once and I can't help but be in awe of it. My dad is in the hospital due to a spleen bursting. It only happens in car crashes or plane crashes- all of which hasn't happened to him. If it weren't for three decisions I would've been attending a funeral this weekend. I truly believe there are signs and we must listen to the voice inside of us b/c it can very well save our lives. When the news was broken to me upstate I just wanted a nice hug. A hug that envelops you; one in which words aren't necessary, because all of it is right there in that embrace.

As the weekend continued a flurry of thoughts came through the revolving door of my mind, and I have to say I was very greatful to have miss E there. It made a world of difference. The woman's too brilliant. Not only that but she was there during one of the more important events this weekend- my first camping experience haha. Now that was fun. :)

Two zucchini breads later and I was on my way to nyc. Dad's doing much better, he was the one making me smile during the visit. There's so many lessons this weekend that i've learned, in addition to learning about what I deserve as well as what I should and should not put up with.

So tonight I sort my thoughts (because even 8+ hrs of travel didn't do it).



i'm still waiting for that hug.

TGIF

Last night was great. Better yet imma just say Friday was great! It was my last day of work. I said bye to my pregnant boss- pregnant women glow... literally, its the most beautiful thing. Imma miss her.After that I changed and before I knew it I was headed to the Ulster County fair with the girls. It was my first fair ever. The st. fairs in bk got nothing on the real thing!! Now you know how I am with food... this was my dream come true! Fried oreos, fried dough, ice cream, gyros, steak, lemonade. mmmm. And goats omg! the cutest goats ever!

How could you not love them. They are so friendly. I swear I was a kid again. On the ferris wheel sitting at the top of Ulster County all I could think was... this is life... this is what its about. Forget the money, forget the stress... everything you need is all right here. And honestly I pictured my future right there... going out to the fair with my date, winning prizes, laughing hugging and just being free. Then I pictured, taking the family out that night and it was all crystal clear. In hs I was all business, working hard b/c I knew I was gonna get myself on the CEO track. Money and all that is great, but I no longer aspire for that. I aspire for happiness, and love for myself and all those around me. I aspire to enjoy life whenever possible and to drink in the moments that are priceless and will only last a moment, but will live on in your heart for a lifetime.That is the beauty of life and that is what we're really all here for.

Then as the ride ended, i was brought back to reality with my girls. After several dizzying rides we were pooped and marlisha and i were off to the bar. Dancing is the only method of relieving stress and it was wonderful. Marlisha and I just danced, no guys approached us, tried to get up on us or anything. We had space and it was great. All you need is a good attitude and things will gravitate to you.

Best part of that night.... I learned how to Dutty Wine heheh

Thanks O, another distraction other than fb & myspace!

Well this is my first blog. All thanks go to one woman by the name of O. After of a year of resisting I gave in. But what does one write on a blog? I guess the answer is anything and everything that comes to the mind. But this first post will not be deep I promise.

Summer at NP is interesting, its relaxing, definitely the summer with the least stress. I'm doing the tour thing endng this week (thank God!). If I have to deal with one more rude parent i'mma be on the news. Class is going well, the Turkish people are something else though... and don't ask me if that's a good or bad 'something else'. While i'm content I feel like something's lacking in this summer. Like there's a hole... I think it's because this summer will make it the 5th year I haven't gone to PR. Or maybe its that I haven't traveled, I always travel every year; its in my blood.

One thing is for sure, I don't want the summer to end. Its the last one before i'm out on my own in the real world. And for that, i'm going to revel in every last second.

besos y abrazos
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